Holidays do not have to be filled with despair and loneliness. With a little effort, and a positive attitude, the peace and joy of this season can be yours.
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There is a growing trend among parenting experts that encourages parents to befriend their children. The benefit of this philosophy is that children will feel that their parents are on their side and will be more likely to respond positively to correction. Traditional parenting methods suggest that parents maintain a more authoritative role in their children’s lives. Is it possible for parents to be their children’s friend? Do they have to sacrifice a certain amount of authority in exchange for friendship? Is that in fact, in their children’s best interest? Can you ride the line of friend and authority figure without sacrificing either? Sex. Drugs. Alcohol. Violence. Aids. Relationships. All tough topics but important ones that must be discussed with our children. How do we approach these difficult topics and handle them in an age appropriate manner? There is a difference between males and females. As long as we continue to try to raise our sons knowing only female culture, we are doing them a disservice. Learning and understanding male culture will go a long way towards your ability to help your son navigate this culture and develop a strong character. The crisis facing our boys today is the subject of much debate. Since a large number of them are being raised by single mothers, this crisis is close to a single mother’s heart. I have faced many single mothers of sons and the same frustrated sentiment seems to echo – I don’t know what’s wrong with him! The same boys that were such loving creatures what seems like just yesterday are now getting into trouble at school, failing or at risk of academic failure, disrespecting their mothers and showing no signs of the lovable little boys they once were. While their mothers are at a loss, answers must still be found. “The culture of schools, especially for young children, is much more feminine than masculine. There are almost no male early childhood educators. Many teachers of young children find boys’ interests in violence, gross things, and bodily functions to be boring or stupid. We need to recognize that many of us have ‘internal prejudices’ against these interests. Just as we used to ask ourselves in the ’70s, ‘In what ways am I being sexist in my treatment of girls?’ we now have to ask, ‘In what ways are we disapproving of boys’ interests in our classrooms?’” Of all of the consequences that can be applied when negative behaviors appear, the most important aspect of any plan must use consistency as its foundation. If children are not sure that they will face a consequence for misbehaving, they could be tempted to “roll the dice” and see what happens. It is only when they are sure that the first time and every time they show the behavior that they will face a consequence will your disciplinary plan have any meaning. It is important to remember that positive reinforcement will not eliminate the need for providing consequences for negative behavior. It is to be used as part of an overall comprehensive plan for consistent and effective discipline for the overall health and strength of your family. Every moment between you and your child will not be full of hugs and kisses, especially moments that involve discipline. However, if the relationship between you and your child is intact, you will be able to weather any storm. A popular stance is — either you are a good parent or you are not. You cannot learn to be a good parent. Parents who have taken parenting classes, however would disagree. There is a great deal of value in taking a parenting class, no matter your situation. Let’s be real. Sometimes as single parents, we find ourselves out of time. It also seems like sometimes our children can pick the absolute worst times to talk. As busy, tired, and overwhelmed as we are, it is still important to remember that children, all children, need to know they are listened to. It’s even more important for them to know that we are listening. Hey Dads! Did you know that you are the fastest growing segment of the single parent population? If the stereotype of a man refusing to ask for directions even when he is lost is true, what does a father do when faced with raising a child alone? Guilt becomes a familiar emotion as the school year slides by with well intentioned thoughts but unfulfilled actions of being more involved this year, being more active in education, joining the PTA, joining your child on at least one field trip, volunteering for at least one book fair or bake sale, attending more athletic events, attending open house, parent teacher conferences, school board meetings and the list goes on and on. Where does one find the time to do all of this? As a single mother of sons, I challenge you to begin to watch television with new eyes. Pay special attention to the way men are portrayed on television these days, especially in sitcoms. You will be surprised…and not pleasantly. Obesity tends to be in the eye of the beholder and many parents are reluctant to behold that their children are in fact, overweight. Are you seeing your child clearly? |
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