Holidays do not have to be filled with despair and loneliness. With a little effort, and a positive attitude, the peace and joy of this season can be yours.
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Sex. Drugs. Alcohol. Violence. Aids. Relationships. All tough topics but important ones that must be discussed with our children. How do we approach these difficult topics and handle them in an age appropriate manner? “Back in the day” there was no such thing as “Family Night” because just about every night was family night. Before electricity became the norm, families gathered around the table in the evening by candlelight. After television was invented, families began to gather around the one television set they owned in the evenings to watch shows together. Now that technology has granted us access to just about everything, we now find access to our families to be a challenge. Regardless of the love you and your child have for each other, unless you both develop good communication skills, your relationship will not be as strong as it could be. There is a difference between males and females. As long as we continue to try to raise our sons knowing only female culture, we are doing them a disservice. Learning and understanding male culture will go a long way towards your ability to help your son navigate this culture and develop a strong character. Every moment between you and your child will not be full of hugs and kisses, especially moments that involve discipline. However, if the relationship between you and your child is intact, you will be able to weather any storm. With the recent increase in the numbers of children born to single mothers, a great deal of attention has been focused on the single parent family, specifically those headed by single mothers. Some of this attention has not been so nice with some of the outcry suggesting that single mothers should be somewhere cowering in shame. Articles suggest that the social stigma against out of wedlock birth has all but disappeared thereby lessening the shame and contributing to the rise in single motherhood. Here is my question…why shame for a single mother? Should a woman be ashamed of her single parent status? Guilt becomes a familiar emotion as the school year slides by with well intentioned thoughts but unfulfilled actions of being more involved this year, being more active in education, joining the PTA, joining your child on at least one field trip, volunteering for at least one book fair or bake sale, attending more athletic events, attending open house, parent teacher conferences, school board meetings and the list goes on and on. Where does one find the time to do all of this? As a single mother of sons, I challenge you to begin to watch television with new eyes. Pay special attention to the way men are portrayed on television these days, especially in sitcoms. You will be surprised…and not pleasantly. With the negative statistics plaguing the “boy” community, society has begun to pay special attention to the unique and complex needs of single mothers raising sons. As attention is focused in this direction, the plight of single fathers raising daughters also needs to be examined. Single fathers raising daughters need special support in order to successfully complete this important task. Where the rubber meets the road however, is when your son is reluctant and uninterested in showing any signs of independence. Do you as a single mother have the strength, the courage, the fortitude and the will to PUSH him towards independence? It seems a simple concept but you would be surprised at how many of us do not get it quite right. It has been said that mothers love their sons, but raise their daughters while fathers love their daughters and raise their sons. What of our sons? Statistics seem to say that boys raised by single mothers are destined to fail. If you are a single mother with sons, this is a frightening thought. What can you do, as a single mother to ensure the success of your son(s)? I always hear people talking about having it all…the perfect job…perfect family…perfect life, etc. But, what about the rest of us? Some of us don’t WANT to have it all. We’re forced by circumstances and life choices that we’ve made or others have made to DO it all. So we don’t even have the luxury of considering whether or not we want it all. We’ve GOT it all and now we’re trying to figure out what to do with it. That makes the real question – How do you have it all without sacrificing anything? |
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